There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
