i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
