wakey wakey hands off snakey
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
