when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
