Nicole vs. Life
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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