I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
