I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
