okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize