That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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