It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
