There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize