can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
