Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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