Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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