john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize