sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
