I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think my moral compass just broke
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
