When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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