tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
