FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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