Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
