I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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