Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
