he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
A+ Viking dick
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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