he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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