Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
