chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
