I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
pray to the hookup gods
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
