I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
