I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
