i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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