Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
