can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
