Define "chronic" masturbator.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
