too bad you live with your parents still
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
is it fun? or sober?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize