I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
