I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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