I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
