Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
