So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
