Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
