it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
