Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
