but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
