if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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