We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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