im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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