please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
