I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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