matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
