my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
