seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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