Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
