I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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