I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
