I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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