One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
