The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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