I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
