I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
