who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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