Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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