My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
