i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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