in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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