Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
