we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
