He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
