Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize