I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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