If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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