I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
